Ode to Farts

Most of Our Intestinal Health Problems are divided between Physical and Psychological. We cannot deny the Physical Problems of Cancer, Constipation, Diarrhea, or Obstruction. We also cannot deny that most of the Intestinal Health Problems are due to Society's Repression of our Intestinal Instincts. Cuban Comedian Alvarez Guedes addressed these problems in 1980 and the Kyoto Protocol wants to repress what should be addressed again and again.

The issue is the need to let out some gas. We must not repress our right to fart. The Author of "Who Cut The Cheese" even brought some history into the light of farting.

People have farted since the beginning of the world and society has attempted to repress this. Geoffrey Chaucer in his "Canterbury Tales" commented about a jealous person who threw his buttocks out into the open and let out "some gas" to a passerby who wanted the jealous person's girlfriend.

Benjamin Franklin in his Letter to the Royal Academy of Medicine wrote about the need to Fart as to let out what disturbs the mind, body, and soul. He also challenged the Western World to "Fart Proudly".

German Dictator Adolf Hitler would drink Motor Oil in order to repress his farts but it was counterproductive. He could not prohibit farting. After wards, Politicians like the Republicans [Bush I, Bush II, Ford, Eisenhower], Democrats [Carter, Kennedy, Clinton, and Communists [Stalin, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong Il, Castro, Chavez] wanted to appear "professional" but they also farted privately.

According to declassified Russian Documents [and corroborated by Khrushchev in his memoirs], Stalin once exiled Molotov to Siberia for farting. Molotov returned and was rehabilitated for farting. Khrushchev in his autobiography later confessed that he sent Molotov to perpetual exile in Mongolia for farting.

Bush is famous for farting in front of his White House Staff and even let out a silent one when he talked about "regime change in Iraq" in 2003. Now the Kyoto Protocol wants to tax farts.

I am proud of the fact that I farted in front of politicians including one called Kucinich in the 1970's. I am also proud of the fact that I felt better when I farted. Like Benjamin Franklin once stated: "Fart Proudly", get it out of your system, in order to have improved intestinal health.